5 Tips to Plan For a Stress Free Wedding Part 2
Welcome to part 2 of my Stress Free wedding planning Tips! If you missed out on Part 1, find that here.
Planning a wedding…. It all sounded like so much fun and them BAM! all this stuff you need to organise and all these vendors you need to book. And then comes the dreaded stress and anxiety. These stressful and anxiety related feelings are not really anything to do with the planning, but more so with the wedding itself. All those eyes 👀 on you ALL day. I get it. Not everyone is up for being the centre of attention.
So here are some tips we have to help you - to change the way you think a wedding is, what a wedding is actually all about, maybe change your ideal wedding all together.
Tip 1. Say your vows to each other privately
This might sound like such an odd thing to do, but it’s actually my first tip I give when a couple tells me they have such strong feelings about having people watch them say their vows. Basically your vow to your love is one of the most private things you can say to the other. You are professing your love and commitment to the other person and hey, not everyone is comfortable saying them in front of other people. So let’s organise a First Look or a First Touch.
First Look: Before the ceremony once you’re all dressed and dolled up, you two meet, see each other, get some water out of the eyes, and then you can find a nice quiet space for you two to read your vows to each other. We’ll be there, but far enough away to feel like we aren’t.
First Touch: Much the same as the first look, however if you want to keep the first look for the ceremony aisle, we can organise a spot for you both to stand near each other, but without seeing each other, you can read your vows that way. You can even hold hands.
Then the ceremony is just for all the official words from the celebrant to officially call you a married couple :)
Tip 2. Organise an engagement session
This one I mentioned in the Part 1 but for a different reason. That was so we can work out how you two work together.
Now we are going to use this engagement session to get you comfortable with being in front of a camera all day. The way we shoot is very unobtrusive. We watch from afar and capture what we see. During Prep, the ceremony, the congratulations, candids and reception, we are all just about watching and photographing. No telling you what to do and where to stand. So HOPEFULLY, you don’t really pay attention to us when we are there. But then comes the couple portraits, and this is now the time for you start feeling anxious.
When we have your engagement session, you’ll see just how we work. We have you two connect with each other the whole time - mostly talking, having a bit of fun, cuddling etc. It’s not about looking soulfully out into the distance, or staring at the camera the whole time. It’s all about you two. You’ll forget we are there.
Tip 3. elope and then have a party!
Just like Tip 1 - if the ceremony is the scary part, or even the part you just want to keep private, elope and then have a party afterwards! The party can be on the same day, or even weeks/months down the track depending on if your keeping it hush-hush or not.
Eloping isn’t like it was in the old days. It’s not a dirty word. It’s basically you holding your ceremony so sacred that it’s just for the two of you and maybe a select few. We can act as your witnesses and then you don’t need to have anyone else in attendance at all. Yes, Mum and Dad and a few other family members may have some words on this. But this is your wedding, your marriage, not theirs. My advice here? Don’t tell them until your party!
Party not really your thing? You can have a lunch, or a dinner, or just surprise your parents with a photo album and your film from your elopement.
Tip 4. engagement party/surprise wedding!
Surprise weddings are the best. I love wandering around the guests and hearing all the buzz.
For this one you organise an engagement party - or any kind of party! - and then once everyone has arrived, your MC who is actually your celebrant, announces you in, in all your wedding attire glory. You can have your ceremony still, or you can even have eloped like in the last tip.
I guess the difference is, there’s no real lead up - everyone thinks it’s just a party, even though you CAN still have all your formalities, you can kind of just chill a bit knowing that not all 👀 will be on you like a wedding!
Plus they are SO MUCH FUN.
Tip 5. Reevaluate your feelings
Perhaps there’s another reason why you’re feeling anxious or stressed about a wedding. My friend and rad celebrant Rin Ilett celebrant posted this a few weeks back on her Instagram and man I felt it. So this may also be something you’re feeling.
There have been a few times recently I've been lead to a conversation which pushes me to reflect on my own beliefs. In a bid to be authentic, I thought I'd bring this conversation to this space, at the risk of it being potential celebrant suicide 😅.... Is legal marriage the pinicle of expressing your love and devotion to someone? This journey I've had in this role of celebrant has evolved my views of marriage & although it might seem like a strange thing for a celebrant to say, no. I don't believe that marriage is the be-all of love. I don't not believe in marriage- it's what I do. I am a married person and the way the words husband or wife fall from the lips of your loved one can sound like the sweetest music you've ever heard. But I want to say that if that isn't important to you- that's ok. Traditional marriage is peppered with misogyny & it's influenced by societal norms and while I most definitely don't do things traditionally, this can be understandably unsettling for some. There can be pressures surrounding marriage, proposal's and of course, the actual day itself. Expressing your connection doesn't have to be done legally if that isn't important to you. But there can still be ceremony. There can be ritual. A sacred space. A sacred moment where you acknowledge your love for each other. Ceremony & ritual mark occasions, we can use them to call things in & let things go. It doesn't matter whether we sign the papers or not, YOU are what defines your connection. Nothing really changes when you are married that wouldn't have if you weren't. Marriage can be a beautiful thing & I absolutely love what I do. And now, with modern marriage, there is so much opportunity to make it your own & shake off those old outdated traditions. But I suppose I just want to share that I feel that marriage doesn't have to be recognised in the eyes of the law to be marriage. It's in your hearts & was all along. ❤️
So there’s my second lot of 5 tips for when stress and anxiety hit during your wedding planning.
Let me know below in the comments if that helped you!
